


Lizard Brains and Eyeballs

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-13
Updated: 2005-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-21 11:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has a black eye and it's all Rodney's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lizard Brains and Eyeballs

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, Huntress asked for a fic starting with the line: _John had a black eye :-)_

John had a black eye...and he knew exactly who to blame for it. He turned and glared at the infirmary bed next to his--or more precisely, at one of the beds' current occupants. Rodney was perched on the edge of the bed with Teyla seated next to him, waiting his turn to be checked over by Carson Beckett. The scrape on Rodney's chin had bled only a little, the droplets staining his blue science t-shirt but, otherwise, he had come through relatively unscathed. John huffed in annoyance as Beckett dabbed at the cut with antiseptic before declaring Rodney to be perfectly fine.

"You can go, Rodney." He turned back to John. "Just keep that cold pack over your eye a little longer, Colonel. I'll be back in a few minutes."

When Rodney spotted John's glare, he raised his battered chin in defiance though John had a sneaking suspicion that this was only because his glare was not as effective as usual because of the cold compress John was holding against his face. Yet he thought he caught a glimmer of guilt in the bright blue eyes that held his for a second. However, if Rodney thought that he was going to get away with just an--admittedly--weak glare then he was very much mistaken.

"A simple, _no thanks_ , would have been sufficient but, oh no, you had to go and insult..." he snarled.

"Oh, and you'd have done any different if they shoved a bowl of...of lizard brains and eyeballs under your nose and expected you to eat up, hmm?"

"Yes, I'd have..." John started and then swallowed hard in remembrance of the bowl of green liquid with tiny pink, wrinkled brains and yellow, beady eyes floating on top, "...Considered it." He finished with a grimace that pulled at the bruised skin around his eye.

"Yes, well you didn't have to consider it. I did. And there was no way in this galaxy or our own that I was going to eat...eat..."

"Lizard brains and eyeballs," rumbled Ronon, helpfully. He raised both eyebrows, a smirk playing about his mouth as he watched the verbal sparring between the two Atlanteans he had come to call friends.

"Exactly. No one in their right mind would eat...that."

"I would," stated Ronon.

"As I was saying...no one in their right mind would--."

"Okay, okay. I'll admit it wasn't very appetizing to look at but, hey Rodney, that hasn't stopped you before."

"What are you suggesting? You think I'd eat anything put in front of me?"

"If the shoe fits..."

"Or the mouth in this case," Ronon murmured, deciding to get one back for the insult he'd walked into moments before.

"You keep out of this," Rodney snarled, only to shrink back when Ronon took a few steps forward, "Unless you'd like to add anything more."

John smirked when Rodney cowered down even more until he was practically hiding behind Teyla, much to her annoyance. She shifted, pulling in disgust at her soaked top, and exposing Rodney just as Ronon reached out with a large hand only to brush some debris from Rodney's shoulder. Rodney shrugged his shoulder in irritation when he realized he was in no danger, not that Ronon would have actually maimed him anyway but John knew there were plenty of ways to hurt someone without leaving a mark, as Rodney had likely learned the hard way during his formative years at school.

"What is done, is done." Teyla spoke firmly, eyeing all of them sternly like a mother with her children. "Tomorrow I shall return to the mainland to apologize for Dr. McKay's insulting behavior." She lowered her head, gazing at John with her most intimidating expression, the one that cowed any sane person--and most of the insane ones too. "And for yours too, _Colonel_."

John aimed his glare back in Rodney's direction as he heard the soft snort but it was Teyla's glare that wiped the smug grin from Rodney's face. Unable to resist, John waited for Teyla to look away and stuck his tongue out at Rodney, smirking at the sudden intake of breath and the look of total indignation as Rodney crossed his arms across his chest.

"Oh, how very childish of you."

John feigned innocence when Teyla looked back, smiling when she shook her head and headed for the door, her soft mutterings inaudible to him and Rodney but clearly heard by their newest team member who laughed softly.

"So Sheppard, you never did say how you got that black eye." ROnon grinned wolfishly.

John felt a flush of heat in his face and tried to play down the incident. "One of the Athosians went to hit Rodney after he...freaked out over the food, and I got between that person and the weapon they were wielding."

"What weapon?" Rodney asked in confusion and John could almost see the wheels and cogs whirling in the man's incredible brain.

"I don't remember seeing any weapons either." Ronon frowned, and John knew he was replaying the scene after he stormed in upon hearing the mayhem inside Charin's tent.

"Weeelll..." he drawled, "Then you probably weren't looking hard enough."

Rodney snapped his fingers, his eyes wide and sparkling. " _She_ did it. The old biddy with the wooden spoon." His grin stretched from ear to ear. "I'm right, aren't I?"

John looked from Rodney to Ronon. "She was aiming at his head!"

"So you stuck yours in the way? How very...chivalrous of you," Rodney replied, easing to his feet and heading for the door.

"As a matter of fact, I was."

John shuddered as he recalled the events that followed like some slapstick comedy. He had leaped up to smooth over Rodney's ungracious comment regarding the meal, mis-timing it completely and getting whacked in the eye with the spoon. As he stepped backwards in shock, he fell against Rodney who was forced face down sharply, smacking his chin on the table, his forehead clipping the side of the bowl and sending everything flying...over Teyla and their host.

Rodney turned; the guilt back in his eyes full force. "Yes, well, thank you, Colonel. Though I'm sure that if it had been a Genii with a gun then I might have been a little more appreciative."

John watched him leave.

"He's got a point there, Sheppard."

John turned his glare on Ronon, who was not intimidated in the slightest but who, obviously, decided that there was no shame in making a strategic retreat anyway, leaving John alone with his throbbing injury.

**--**

Rodney rubbed his hands together as he reached the dessert cabinet in the mess hall.

"Now, let's see what we have here."

"Got a special on today--citrus free, Doctor. Just come in season on the mainland." Mess Sergeant Michaels grinned. "Kuma fruit and pesha berries in a rich, sweet tabara sauce. An Athosian delicacy."

"Hmmm...sounds good. Hand it over."

He accepted the bowl and stared down in horror at the pink brains and yellow eyeballs floating in a pea green soup.

THE END


End file.
